The interaction between Mr. and Mrs. Bulstrode stands separate from those of the rest of the couples in Middlemarch. Whereas the relationship between couples such as Dorothea and Casaubon or Rosamond and Lydgate turned ugly because each found fault with the other as it clashed with their expectations, the Bulstrodes had a more straightforward and well-verbalized relationship.
Speaking of Mrs. Bulstrode, Eliot writes “Mrs. Bulstrode was vindicated from any resemblance to her husband. Harriet's faults were her own” (458). The separation of her own faults from her husbands allows for her ability to work on herself rather than criminalize her husband for her own faults. Further, such an outlook on her own faults allows her to be less dependant on her husband for her happiness than the other ladies in the novel, leading to less problems.
Mr. Bulstrode, due to the rumors going around about his wrongs, was concerned that his wife might leave him:
“Bulstrode, who knew that his wife had been out and had come in saying that she was not well, had spent the time in an agitation equal to hers. He had looked forward to her learning the truth from others, and had acquiesced in that probability, as something easier to him than any confession. But now that he imagined the moment of her knowledge come, he awaited the result in anguish. His daughters had been obliged to consent to leave him, and though he had allowed some food to be brought to him, he had not touched it. He felt himself perishing slowly in unpitied misery. Perhaps he should never see his wife's face with affection in it again. And if he turned to God there seemed to be no answer but the pressure of retribution” (463-464).
This fear, shown afterwards to be incorrectly placed, reveals some aspect of accountability: that Mr. Bulstrode acknowledged his own faults and mistakes, and understood that his wife might react accordingly. By this, Eliot shows Mr. Bulstrode to be taking his problems onto himself and understanding the subsequent actions of others, rather than displacing his mistakes into frustration with another.
The interaction that followed when the couple finally met up demonstrates the mutual understanding the two share:
“He raised his eyes with a little start and looked at her half amazed for a moment: her pale face, her changed, mourning dress, the trembling about her mouth, all said, "I know;" and her hands and eyes rested gently on him. He burst out crying and they cried together, she sitting at his side. They could not yet speak to each other of the shame which she was bearing with him, or of the acts which had brought it down on them. His confession was silent, and her promise of faithfulness was silent. Open-minded as she was, she nevertheless shrank from the words which would have expressed their mutual consciousness, as she would have shrunk from flakes of fire. She could not say, "How much is only slander and false suspicion?" and he did not say, "I am innocent” (464).
Mrs. Bulstrode begins by verbalizing her concerns over the rumors, and even without answering, there is a sense of unspoken communication; even in silence, both came to understand the situation as it was. This sort of relationship was able to stand strong because each took his own responsibility for his actions and thoughts and was completely straightforward about his views and his partner. By realistically regarding himself, each was able to look out for the other.
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